Reflecting...

Today will be a day of reflection for me.

Fortunately, if this logic makes any sense, I am home today, still battling the sinus flare-up that seemed it would win. The odds are beginning to change in my favor. So I will have plenty of time for reflection, whether I want it or not.

One year ago today I lost one of my best friends. There was no warning....no chance to say goodbye. She was just gone. I plan to spend the day trying to reflect on the happy times we shared. There is no shortage of those memories. I'll visualize in my mind her beautiful smile. I'll hear her laughter. I still have the last message I received from her on my answering machine. Maybe I'll listen to that later. In the end, I'm sure I'll smile through the tears.

Speaking of friendship, another friend of mine and I launched a discussion on the subject last night. The conversation took a turn that even I couldn't have predicted. In the end, I may have lost a friend. TC, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

The loss and hurt I've experience in the past few years has left me cynical and guarded when it comes to letting people get too close. I didn't want that to happen, but it has. I need to protect myself. And I can feel the wall coming back up. Maybe someone will come along to change my mind.

Maybe.

Enough. I will make it through the day. I will be fine. I'm convinced of it. And I think that the cabin fever that is beginning to set in will finally drive me out of the house tomorrow, and back into the land of the living.

One final thought....Susi, I miss you. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. Thank you for your love and friendship. I'll never forget you.

Jaydog