Yes, I'm Still Alive

It really HAS been awhile, hasn't it?

Just wanted to let everyone know I was still around.

Spent the Christmas Holiday in Estes Park, Colorado, and on Christmas Eve, I took a long hike into Rocky Mountain National Park. I shot more than 150 images with my new Canon A610 camera, and this is one of my favorites.

Best wishes to everyone for a very Happy New Year!

-Jaydog 

Okay, I promise!

This weekend... I will post something ... ANYTHING ... just to get a few people off my back about NOT posting anything.

I promise!

Now leave me alone!
-Jaydog

Outsourcing? YAY!

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of August 31st. The move is being made to save not only a significant portion of the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month. but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using this tree, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.

Something to think about...

I fault this president (George W. Bush) for not knowing what death is. He does not suffer the death of our twenty-one year olds who wanted to be what they could be.

On the eve of D-day in 1944 General Eisenhower prayed to God for the lives of the young soldiers he knew were going to die. He knew what death was. Even in a justifiable war, a war not of choice but of necessity, a war of survival, the cost was almost more than Eisenhower could bear.

But this president does not know what death is. He hasn't the mind for it. You see him joking with the press, peering under the table for the WMDs he can't seem to find, you see him at rallies strutting up to the stage in shirt sleeves to the roar of the carefully screened crowd, smiling and waving, triumphant, a he-man. He does not mourn. He doesn't understand why he should mourn. He is satisfied during the course of a speech written for him to look solemn for a moment and speak of the brave young Americans who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

But you study him, you look into his eyes and know he dissembles an emotion which he does not feel in the depths of his being because he has no capacity for it. He does not feel a personal responsibility for the thousand dead young men and women who wanted to be what they could be.

They come to his desk not as youngsters with mothers and fathers or wives and children who will suffer to the end of their days a terribly torn fabric of familial relationships and the inconsolable remembrance of aborted life.... They come to his desk as a political liability which is why the press is not permitted to photograph the arrival of their coffins from Iraq.

How then can he mourn? To mourn is to express regret and he regrets nothing. He does not regret that his reason for going to war was, as he knew, unsubstantiated by the facts. He does not regret that his bungled plan for the war's aftermath has made of his mission-accomplished a disaster. He does not regret that rather than controlling terrorism his war in Iraq has licensed it.

So he never mourns for the dead and crippled youngsters who have fought this war of his choice. He wanted to go to war and he did. He had not the mind to perceive the costs of war, or to listen to those who knew those costs. He did not understand that you do not go to war when it is one of the options, but when it is the only option; you go not because you want to but because you have to.

This president knew it would be difficult for Americans not to cheer the overthrow of a foreign dictator. He knew that much. This president and his supporters would seem to have a mind for only one thing --- to take power, to remain in power, and to use that power for the sake of themselves and their friends. A war will do that as well as anything. You become a wartime leader. The country gets behind you. Dissent becomes inappropriate. And so he does not drop to his knees, he is not contrite, he does not sit in the church with the grieving parents and wives and children.

He is the President who does not feel. He does not feel for the families of the dead; he does not feel for the thirty five million of us who live in poverty; he does not feel for the forty percent who cannot afford health insurance; he does not feel for the miners whose lungs are turning black or for the working people he has deprived of the chance to work overtime at time-and-a-half to pay their bills --- it is amazing for how many people in this country this President does not feel.

But he will dissemble feeling. He will say in all sincerity he is relievingt he wealthiest one percent of the population of their tax burden for the sake of the rest of us, and that he is polluting the air we breathe for the sake of our economy, and that he is decreasing the safety regulations for coal mines to save the coal miners' jobs, and that he is depriving workers of their time-and-a- half benefits for overtime because this is actually a way to honor them by raising them into the professional class.

And this litany of lies he will versify with reverences for God and the flag and democracy, when just what he and his party are doing to our democracy is choking the life out of it.

But there is one more terribly sad thing about all of this. I remember the millions of people here and around the world who marched against the war. It was extraordinary, that spontaneously aroused over soul of alarm and protestt hat transcended national borders. Why did it happen? After all, this was not the only war anyone had ever seen coming. There are little wars all over the world most of the time.

But the cry of protest was the appalled understanding of millions of people that America was ceding its role as the last best hope of mankind. It was their perception that the classic archetype of democracy was morphing into a rogue nation. The greatest democratic republic in history was turning its back on the future, using its extraordinary power and standing not to advance the ideal of a concordance of civilizations but to endorse the kind of tribal combat that originated with the Neanderthals, a people, now extinct, who could imagine ensuring their survival by no other means than pre-emptive war.

The president we get is the country we get. With each president the nation is conformed spiritually. He is the artificer of our malleable national soul. He proposes not only the laws but the kinds of lawlessness that govern our lives and invoke our responses. The people he appoints are cast in hisi mage. The trouble they get into and get us into, is his characteristic trouble.

Finally the media amplify his character into our moral weather report. He becomes the face of our sky, the conditions that prevail: How can we sustain ourselves as the United States of America given the stupid and ineffective warmaking, the constitutionally insensitive lawgiving, and the monarchal economics of this president? He cannot mourn but is a figure of such moral vacancy as to make us mourn for ourselves.

E.L. Doctorow

Thoughts For a Wednesday Morning

How low is lonely, how deep is down?
How far is away, when you're in a strange town?
When your own breathing is the night's only sound,
How low is lonely, how deep is down?

How much is many, how little is few?
How much of me has become part of you?
Now that I've lost what I thought I had found,
How low is lonely, how deep is down?

I think I need to pull back into myself for awhile. It's safe there....most of the time, at least.

-Jaydog

Monday again?

The weekend is over, and once again it's Monday. My favorite day of the week. Yah, right! My feelings about today are a little mixed, so it may be too early to tell just how this one will go down in the records books.

If you read my ranting from yesterday's post about my Soundbridge, you know that it was destined for a joyride back to Best Buy. Well, I didn't get a chance to pack it up over the weekend, so this morning it was still connected. On a whim, I grabbed the remote and turned it on. Wouldn't you know? The (expletive deleted) thing connects almost instantly to my wireless network and begins scrolling a list of the music libraries on my PC! Of course this happens about 10 minutes before I had to leave for work, so I didn't get a chance to sit back and enjoy it. So now what do I do? Let's see what happens tonight when I get home.

Meanwhile, jumped out of the shower, running late as usual. I towel-dried my hair and just let it air-dry while I finished doing a few other things around the house. Right before getting dressed, I went back into my bathroom to slap some Crew into it. For some reason, that set off a chain reaction that left me looking like a cross between Don King and a Chia Pet! ARRRGGGHHHHH! No time to jump back in the shower and re-wash my hair, so just put a little water on it, towel-dried again, and wrangled it into something that wouldn't scare people. So yeah, having a bad hair day.

THEN, I get to work and realize I left my employee I.D. and card key at home. Since I work in a secured building, AND a secured area inside the building, that means I had to face security to get a temporary badge to wear around my neck. Hand me the felt-tipped marker. I'll just draw the big "L" on my forehead myself!

Wish me luck, light a candle....whatever you think might work. Thanks!

-Jaydog

Thanks, Joe!

TRUE FRIEND

I'm not sure when it happened
But I'm very glad it did...

You came into my life when
I really needed a friend.

The more I get to know you
The more I know myself.

You and I are different...
And in many ways the same.

Your good ear, compassionate heart,
will always find you fame...

I promise to always be here,
Forever and to the end.

You are the true definition of a True Friend.

Did you miss me, possums?




Ah, my apologies. It has been a long time since I've stopped in here to share what's going on in the Dog House. Blame work, summer, friends.....anything you want. But let's put that behind us, and start fresh, shall we? Good!

Work is work. When it's good, it's fantastic! When it's anything but good, watch out. While things haven't changed significantly in my little corner of the work world, the impending merger has turned things upside down elsewhere as people begin to jockey for position, trying to prove their value to the organization by stomping on everyone around them, above them and below them. And as the merger process advances, suddently the "merger of equals" has begun to dissolve into something quite different. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out. Stay tuned.

During the deep dark days of winter, one longs for the warmth of summer. But when summer finally arrives, with the long, hot, dry days one expects here along the front range of the Colorado Rockies, suddenly the energy is simply drained from you. All you want to do is find a spot in the shade and stay there. Or just insure your comfort by seeking the refuge of an air-conditioned building, and stay there. A recent discussion on my moblog pitted those who liked cool weather against those who preferred hot. My final word on the subject was that when you're cold, you can always add more clothing to attain your own personal comfort level. However, if you're too hot, there's only so much you can do with your attire in order to cool down. Once you've shed every stitch of clothing, there's nothing more that can be done. Enough said.

Friendship can be a double-edged sword. It can bring indescribable happiness, or unbearable pain. That's the lesson I've learned once again in the past couple of weeks. I've learned that you can't force friendship. You can do everything possible to nurture it, but if the other person doesn't want your friendship, there's nothing you can do about it. So, while the pain of being rejected runs deep, you pick yourself up off the ground and move on. I am.

Now time for the ranting and raving you've come to expect from me. Today's topic is the Roku Soundbridge M500 Wireless Music Router.




With high hopes, I plunked down my $200 at Best Buy last Tuesday for this torture device. If you don't know what it is, it's a wireless router that is connected to your home entertainment center, and through your existing wireless network streams music from your home computer. I'd read up on it online, read the specs and user reviews, and finally decided to take the plunge. I brought it home, unpacked it, and hooked it up according to the user manual. Although easy set-up was promised, it certainly wasn't delivered. Three hours later, I finally had it working and streaming music from Rhapsody to my home theater in the living room. I was delighted! I turned everything off and went to bed around 1 a.m.. The next morning I turned everything back on again, and attempted to play some music. Nothing! I tried numerous things, referring back to the troubleshooting section of the user guide. Still nothing. That evening, I tried again with the same result. Finally, I went to Roku's website looking for help. I figured they MUST have a tech support line that I could call for assistance. WRONG! Their idea of technical support is a chat forum, moderated by a tech support person. I figured I'd give it a try, so registered, and sent my plea for help. And waited. And waited. Finally I got a response about 30 minutes later. This went back and forth all evening long as different things were tried and failed. The longest wait for a response was three hours. What am I supposed to do in the meantime, huh? The bottom line: In the battle of man against (electronic) machine, man has lost this one. The thing is going back into its box and back to the store next week for a refund.

A quick word of advice to Roku... Hey, bozo's! Your customers are plunking down between $200-500 for your product. Do you think that maybe that warrants a live tech suport line? DUH!

Enough. I've said what I needed to for now. My best to everyone. Stay safe and stay cool!


How about a smile?

-Jaydog

HAHAHAHA!

Hot Day in Denver

Hot Day in Denver: "1. Hot Afternoon - Smooth Edge"

HAPPY TUESDAY!

Just thinking....

I was surfing Rhapsody earlier tonight, and ran across this Dan Fogelberg song. Really made me think. That's a spooky thought, isn't it possums?

Only The Heart May Know

Silent sea

Tell this to me:

Where are the children that we used to be?

At picture shows

Where nobody goes

And only the heart can see.

Starry skies

Soft lullabies

Where do they go when their melodies die?

To a day

Far, far away

That only the heart may know.

Friends we knew

Follow us through

All of the days of our lives.

Love we shared

Waits for us there

Where our wishes forever reside.

Falling tears

Memories' mirrors

Where are summers

where are the years?

Carried far

To a wandering star

That only the heart may know.

Thank God It's Friday!

Have a fun and safe holiday weekend everyone!

Sad

Sad: "1. Losin' End - Michael McDonald"

This is so kewl!

What guy doesn't love watching building implosions (I have a two-DVD set filled with 'em), demolition derbys, or anything where something is demolished? That's why I almost wet myself when I found this: Watch It Shred! Enjoy!

- Jaydog

Tomorrow never comes...

A special thanks to my boss (aka "Choker") for the memorable quote used to begin this posting.

The quote was inspired by my e-mailed response to his query regarding when the forecast for this month's numbers would be ready. Since they've always been published on Tuesday for the past 4 or 5 years, I politely responded "Tomorrow". He wistfully e-mailed me back, tears in his eyes as he typed it, no doubt, "Tomorrow never comes...". Oh, my! I'm gonna need a second to compose myself....

Okay, that didn't take long.

As I gleefully announced earlier, my home PC is back among the living, albeit minus everything that was stored on it prior to May 8th. I'd like to thank the following for their support, or lack thereof:

• HP Tech Suport - particularly "Eric" whose command of the English language made what should have been a 15-minute call turn into 2+ hours of living hell.
• And to the SECOND HP Tech Support person, name unintelligible, who drove me to pop two Vicodin after ending our call.
• HP Customer Service - for their reassurance by telling me it's normal for the hard drive to crash within the first year. "We expect it...", she chirpped.
• HP Customer Service (again) - for sending me to CompUsa where I was told that "we don't honor HP warranties".
• HP Customer Service - (yet again) for relieving my bank account of $75 for an extended warranty, without telling me it wouldn't cover any repairs for the first 30 days after purchasing it.
• CompUsa - for trying to make my shopping experience so pleasant by encouraging me to order online for in-store pickup, and then putting a moron in charge of handling the transaction when I went in to pick up my purchases. Twenty minutes to ring up a two-item sale? Come on!
• CompUsa (Again) - to Bill, the customer service moron, who not only wasted 20 minutes of my lunch hour to ring up the sale, but also rang it up incorrectly.
• CompUsa (yet again) - to Mike, Bill's equally brain-dead manager, who assured me it would be okay to just go ahead and leave. He would take care of issuing a credit to my credit card to compensate for Bill's stupidity. It's now five days later and there's still no credit to my account. That means another trip back to CompUsa. Maybe I should call in sick so I can spend the WHOLE day there.

In SPITE of all of you, my PC is repaired....by ME! Nya, Nya, Nya!

Tomorrow never comes.....MY ASS!

What we need right now is a kitten war!

-Jaydog

YUMMMMM!

What a way to start the day! A cinnamon roll from Johnson's Corner! Thanks, Di! Will you marry me?

-Jaydog

David Letterman’s Top Ten Things Overheard During The Michael Jackson Verdict

10. “We the jury find the defendant not guilty—oh God, did I say the wrong one?
9. “Of course he’s nervous—look how pale he is!”
8. “Will Mr. Blake and Mr. Simpson please keep the laughter down?”
7. “No, I think he’ll do fine in prison!”
6. “I’m a celebrity in an L.A. courtroom—I like my chances.”
5. “Do you think this will be on the news tonight?”
4. “We the jury find the defendant creepy.”
3. “Michael, good news—I just saved 15 percent on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”
2. “Wait, have Tito, Latoya and Jermaine always been on the jury?”
1. “Another case of a white guy getting preferential treatment.”

It's the weekend!

Okay, it's Saturday night, and the weekend is half over, but why not make the best of it? Tom has recovered from his Friday night celebratory hangover, I think. Chris is nowhere to be found. Paul is working the night shift seven days straight. Joe is undoubtedly corraling his little nephews right now! So here I am, bored. Why not stir up some trouble and have a little fun?

Any of you who have followed my rantings or viewed my moblog have a pretty good idea of my political leanings. But just in case it hasn't sunk in completely, take a look at this, and all will be made clear.

Awwww..... Don't be angry with me. WHACK!

If you have Republican leanings, perhaps this will pacify you, satisfy your inherent sadistic nature, and put a smile on your face.

And finally, for my fellow ADD denizens, check this out! Just follow the instructions, and if you're like me, you'll be transfixed for hours! LOL

And a parting thought for all of you...

Don't go for looks, they can deceive
Don't go for wealth, even that fades away
Go for someone who makes you smile
Because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright
Find the one who makes your heart smile.

- Jaydog

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM! YES, YOU ARE GETTING OLDER. AND THE PACE AT WHICH YOU AGE IS INCREASING. WATCH IT, PAL! SLOW DOWN A LITTLE. RELAX YOUR GRIP ......................................................... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM! YES, YOU ARE GETTING OLDER. AND THE PACE AT WHICH YOU AGE IS INCREASING. WATCH IT, PAL! SLOW DOWN A LITTLE. RELAX YOUR GRIP........................

The mind is so strange....

When I was in 7th grade I think, the ogre, Miss Earhardt, assigned a poem to everyone in my American Lit class to memorize and recite in front of the class. All of this time later, I still remember mine. Perhaps it's because it has so much meaning to me. Who'd have thought?

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

- Jaydog

Great start to the week...

Well, I'm wide awake now! As I write this it's 1:20 a.m. I certainly had no intention of being awake at this hour, but circumstances have made that decision for me.

Went to bed shortly after midnight, and had just begun to doze off when I was jolted upright by the sound of someone trying to open my front door. The noise was loud enough that it had traveled through the living room, down the hall, and through my closed bedroom door. Not to mention the sleep-induced fog in my brain. That's pretty loud.

I turned on the bedside lamp and went out into the living room to the front door. By now whoever was on the other side was turning the door knob and pushing hard against the door. I peered through the peephole, and sure enough...there's a guy out there alone, muttering drunkenly, ramming his shoulder against my door.

At first I thought about opening the door and confronting him. Two things stopped me. First I was wearing what I normally wear to bed: nothing. Of course had I opened the door that way it might have been enough to scare him off. Second, you never know what you might come up against when you confront someone who is obviously trashed. Could he turn violent? Does he have a gun? Not worth the chance.

I shouted through the door that I was going to call the police, but he didn't seem to hear that. So I pounded loudly on my side of the door with my fists to get his attention, and then repeated myself. That seemed to get his attention, but didn't sink in, apparently. He renewed his efforts to get the door open.

By now I'd had enough, so walked over to get the phone off the charger. At about that time, the noise stopped, and I heard stumbling footsteps going down the stairs. I'm not sure if he made it all the way down or fell and broke his neck. I guess I'll find out in the morning if I have to step over a cold, lifeless body.

Meanwhile, I'm WIDE awake now. Thanks alot, PAL!

- Jaydog

A Dismal Day...

It's a rainy, cold day here in Denver. Not unusual for June (June...rhymes with monsoon). And that certainly doesn't help the gray mood I'm in.

The day started off badly enough. I hopped online, connected to my company's servers through VPN with the hope of running a report. My company e-mail was horked, as was the server I pull raw data from. Hence, no report running for me.

Then I chatted online briefly with my friend Tom. Darker shade of gray.

Thinking I had an 11:00 appointment to get my hair cut, I took a quick shower and rushed to get there on time. Deb always frowns at me when I show up late. Still arrive at 11:06 due to the slow traffic caused by the downpour going on. Don't have an umbrella with me, so I arrive looking like a drowned rat. The receptionist at the front desk smiles at me and says "You don't have an appointment today!". Deb comes out, says maybe it's next Saturday. Nope, nothing scheduled there, either. So, I can wait 45 minutes, or schedule an appointment for next Saturday. Ooops, sorry.....they no longer accept appointments on Saturday.

My original plan had been to get my hair cut, then go downtown to the People's Fair on Capitol Hill. Always a great place to people watch, have some great food and drink, and listen to some fantastic music. Ah, but the rain, remember? Nix that idea. After yesterday's storm of biblical proportions, not taking that chance.

So, instead head over to Sam's for some breakfast. The place is packed, but manage to grab a spot at the counter and order some (yes, Joe) french toast and coffee while I scan the morning Rocky.

So now here I am at home, bored. No where to go. Nothing to do. Or is there? Hmmm...

-Jaydog

Mom's Emails

My Mom loves email. Since getting her first PC a few years ago, and discovering email, she's turned into a fanatic. She has a list of like-minded friends who send her endless streams of jokes and useless drivel. She prints all of this out so she can show them to my Dad (he, wisely, won't go near her PC). For a time, she also thought it was her maternal duty to forward all of these on to my brothers and me. After much pleading with her, the flow was finally reduced to a trickle, although she occasionally needs reminding that I don't want all of this crap in my inbox, and that I delete the vast majority of it without reading it. So now it is a rare occasion that I receive a forwarded email from her. When she does send something on, most of the time it really is worth looking at.

Such was the case with this one. Hope you enjoy it and its meaning as much as I did. Thanks Mom!

Oh yeah!

Doing my happy dance! Not only is today Friday, but Erica paid me for the FM modulator I picked up for her a couple of weeks ago! So I have money! The first round of drinks is on me!

- Jaydog

NAH-KEV-HO-EYEA-ZIM

Translated from the Cheyenne Indian language, it means “We are always returning home again”.

And so we all do the same at some point. We go back to where our lives began. We return to our parents, to people who have known us since birth, who have watched us grow and develop into the people we are today. I suspect that the experience is more unsettling for them than for us.

I’ve just completed such a journey, spending the past five days in my hometown in Illinois. Each trip back stirs up memories of a loving and carefree childhood. But at the same time, it seems that these pilgrimages also loosen my grip on the past and force me to face the future in the place I now call “home”

With each visit my parents, in my eyes at least, seem to be a little older…a little frailer…a little more forgetful. And I find that we disagree on more things each time I visit. At times they seem sadly bewildered by the son they’ve raised, but now seems to become more of a stranger to them with each passing year. The common ground we once shared is rapidly disappearing. They no longer experience the same things I do in my daily life, and don’t see how those experiences work their change in my attitudes and beliefs. The chasm grows wider between us.

None of this changes my love for them, or theirs for me. It’s just that neither of us understands the other quite as much as we used to.

So, time marches on. And I will return home again next year to find even more has changed in them, and in me.

NAH-KEV-HO-EYEA-ZIM

- Jaydog

Finally, a clean office...

The mind is another thing, of course!

Stayed at the office until after 7 p.m., sorting, tossing, re-arranging, and scrubbing. Finally, the office is clean. Zelda Rubenstein has nothing on me. I'm sure there will be some in shock tomorrow morning as they walk past. I would love to be there, hidden from view, as the spazzos drift in. The first thing they will likely notice is that faint bleach smell. I used Clorox cleaner on the hard surfaces. Now Tom's office always has that smell, but not mine. Right, Tom? Anyway, then the spazzos will follow their noses, look in, and their jaws will drop in amazement. Don't give me too much credit. No deep bows from this boy. Most of the knick-knacks, all of my toys that I use to help control the A.D.D., are in a moving box safely stuffed under my desk. Still within easy reach if I ever feel the need. I'm not stupid!

Winding down...

Hate me if you want. But today, even though YOUR calendar might say it's Tuesday, today is my Friday. That's because tomorrow I start a long overdue, week-long vacation.

I'm not sure what it is in our genetic makeup that causes the last day of work before such an event to turn into a day from hell.

Traffic was unbearable this morning. Everyone who knew I was leaving on vacation suddenly remembered something they just HAD to have before I left. And the day dragged on forever.

In fact it's still dragging on. I'm determined that before I leave the office to night, I will clean my office to within an inch of its life, even though it's been a year or so since I've done that. There's nothing worse than coming back from a vacation to a dirty office. Then I will go home tonight and clean my home the same way. There's nothing worse than coming back from a vacation to a dirty house, either. Of course no time away from the office, or home, goes unpunished. Through much painful testing I've proven that true over and over again.

So that's my day. I want it to be over, but it's not. I've tried to make sure all of the loose ends are tied off before I go, but I'm quite certain that I've missed something.

Plus, I'm having a bad hair day. Well, actually it's just a bad hair afternoon. I started the day with my hair as close to perfection as is humanly possible. But an hour-and-a-half workout at lunch, followed by a nice, long, nude steam bath, and then a shower, left it looking like....okay, you fill in the blank there. No amount of Bed Head seemed to tame it after that.

Perhaps that's why when I came back from the gym, and was offered two donuts, I ate them. Both. Now I can't eat for a week. The guilt is overpowering. Perhaps I can expend enough calories cleaning my office and my house to redeem myself.

Nah.

-Jaydog

How to be politically correct (PC):

In an age of political correctness (just ask me what I think about that, if you dare!), I feel it is my duty to attempt to educate you, my blog readers. So here are some tips that will never let you down. Although these are separated by gender, you'll find when reading them that some could apply to either sex. You be the judge.

A. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK". She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER". She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY". She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE". She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND". She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD". She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY". She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED." (Amy, Erica, Sara, Di, Liz, Saini, Tania...insert YOUR name here. Hehehe)
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS". She is "SURGICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you. She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP". She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "HUGE HOOTERS". She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER". She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

B. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT". He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER". He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME". He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING". He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER". He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK". He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." (Tom?)
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS". He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG". He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT". He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY". He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." (Tom, Chris, Paul, Joe, Matt, James, Dan, Eli, Larry, Dave, Darin, Rocky, Drew ... insert your name here...LOL)
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

May the gods be praised...

For any of you who may have spent a couple of sleepless nights wondering if Tom made it onto his homebound plane from Tampa Saturday morning, get ready for a good night's sleep at last.

Our boy DID make it! As you recall from my earlier post, he'd spent a couple of hours on the phone with me until about 2:30 a.m. in his drunken state, but needed to get up at 4:30 in order to get to the airport in time to catch his flight home.

Well, Tom wisely did what any rationally thinking person would do in the same situation. He simply didn't go to bed! Instead he joined a few of his fellow convention-goers in the hotel hot tub for more drinking and merriment.

I congratulate you Tom! That's using your head. Please take a bow, Tom! Go ahead....a DEEP bow!

Please hand me a tissue...

Just hanging out tonight, catching up on my email. As I mentioned in an earlier post, apparently my reputation for being a big-hearted person is spreading. I know this because the requests for my help seem to be increasing in volume. Many times it's difficult not to shed a heartfelt tear over the plight of some of the people who write to me. This letter I received today is a good case in point.


my dear,
Good day and Compliments, I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly and you would never regret this. I am TONY SIMTH the only son of late former Director of finance, Chief Vincent R.L SIMTH Sierra-Leone diamond and mining corporation. I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is My bond, in this proposal. My late father was the director of finance of Gold and diamond industry in my country, During the disastrous civil war in my country, now he has Deposited the money with a security company in ACCRA-GHANA, where I am Residing under political asylum with my younger sister MARY SIMTH Now the war in my country is over with the help of ECOMOG soldiers, the present government of Sierra Leone has revoked the passport of all officers who Served under the former regime and now ask countries To expel such person at the same time freeze their Account and confiscate their asset, it is on this note that I am contacting you, all I needed from you is to Furnish me with your particulars:
1) House address
2) Telephone number
3)Fax number
4]your full name
For you to assist me transfer this money in your country, The said amount is(fifteen Million Dollars) $15 Million . I am compensating you with 10 % of the total money Amount, now all my hope is banked on you and I really Wants to invest this money in your country, were their Is stability of Government, political and Economic welfare. Honestly I want you to believe that this transaction Is real and never a joke. My late father Chief SIMTH Gave me the photocopies of the certificate of deposit Issued to him by the security company on the day of deposit, for You to be clarify because; I do not expose my self to Anybody I see, I believe that you are able to keep This transaction secret for me because this money is The hope of our life, it is important. Please contact me immediately after you must have gone Through my message feel free and make it urgent. That Is the reason why I offered you 10% of the total? Money amount, and in case of any other necessary Expenses you might incur during this transaction. N.B, Try and negotiate for us some profitable blue chip Investment opportunities which is risk free which I Can invest with this money when it is transferred to Your conutry, personally I am interested in estate Management and hotel business, please advise me. And promise me and my younger sister to be a guardian Considering our situation and not to Betray us.
Thanks and God bless
Best regards
TONY SIMTH

Oh my! The tears are flowing freely now. Please excuse me a moment while I collect myself.

(Laughing hysterically in the background)

There. All better now.

Well, Tony. Once again I'm afraid I must refuse your request for my assistance. It just breaks my heart to do that, my friend. But, if you'll read my earlier post, you'll see that my time is stretched to its limit now and the millions of dollars flow into my bank account. I'd still like to talk to you, though, and offer any comfort and advice you might need. Please call me at (212) 479-7990 any time of the day or night. Please! I so look forward to hearing from you, Tony. Blessings right back at you!

- Jaydog

Ah, where does the weekend go?

Another weekend almost over. Where did it go? What do I have to show for it? Not much, except for a well-rested body, a slight hangover, and some pleasant memories of good times with friends. What more could I ask for?

• Friday night after work: Drinks with Kenny and Erica at Rock Bottom after work. Erica, always a delight. Kenny, hadn't seen him in awhile since he moved to the another office building a few miles away. Always good to see him and catch up on what's going on with work and in each other's lives. Only regret: didn't make it to the gym.
• Later Friday night: Chatting online with my friend Tom who was in Tampa for a business convention. My how that boy suffers for his craft! Then, a 2-hour phone conversation with a slightly innebriated Tom. That was even MORE fun!
• Even later Friday night...errr...Saturday morning: Did some work on the laptop and finally hit the sack a little after 2:30 a.m., wondering if Tom had gotten up as planned at 4:30 a.m. Eastern time in order to get to the airport in time to catch his plane home. Still don't know the answer to that question.
• Saturday: Slept in really late. Can't imagine why. Chatted online with my buddy Joe a few times during the day. And then with Dan. Took another nap. Finally got up and fixed dinner, watched a movie, and proceeded to polish off most of the growler I'd brought home Friday night. Did a little work on the laptop, and finally fell into bed around 1 a.m. with a comfortable buzz.
• Sunday morning: Slept in late again. Finally rolled out of bed with a pounding head. Can't imagine why! Fixed some breakfast, grabbed the Sunday Post off the porch and went back to bed for a little bit. Got up again and chatted with Paul online for awhile, then Joe. Took a much-needed shower, and that seemed to clear my head a little.
• Sunday afternoon: Took a short nap. Got up. Added some pictures to my moblog. Added a flash feature from my moblog to the template on my blog (impressive, huh?). And now here I am.

The long list of things I'd intended to get done around the house seems to have burst into flames and turned to smoldering ashes. But do I really care? Nah. Not much. I had a good time with friends, and that left me with a warm, satisfied feeling inside. So, to all of my friends who made this a memorable weekend...thanks! Thanks Tom, Joe, Paul, Erica, Kenny, Dan. I love you all!

- Jaydog

Woman Calls for Help from Wireless Phone
A West Virginia woman called for help on her wireless phone when a camel sat on top of her while she was painting a fence. Firefighters and the camel's owner helped move the animal off the woman who was having trouble breathing.
(Source: Alert Jaydoggie readier (Di) and Associated Press)

How I resolve conflict. . .

(TC...this is you and me if we're ever in the same room together...with or without helmets! LOL)

I made it...

I'm in the office, and the last time I checked, the fly on my Levi's was zipped. Thank you! Thank you very much! I can dress myself today!

It's Friday!

Finally! Some weeks seem longer than others, and this has been one of those weeks. In spite of my joy at reaching this weekly milestone, I'm still tempted to follow the example of my young friend Joe and call in "sick" today. But experience has taught me something. Namely that no time away from the office goes unpunished. Going on vacation next week will once again prove that point.

Please sir, may I have another!

WHACK!

I vow that today, before I leave the house, I will check the fly on my jeans at least twice.

Today is also "Growler Refill Day". Don't expect too much coherent thought later.

- Jaydog

I'm dancing as fast as I can...

No

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth.

No, I have not been abducted by aliens and probed.

No, I have not been incarcertated and become someone's "wife".

No, I have not been rubbed out by a mob hit man.

No. No. NO!

The world has just been spinning too fast lately, and I've been hanging on for my life. But I dragged my feet against the surface of the universe and managed to slow it down just a bit. So here I am, no worse for the wear, with lots to say.

Embarrassment

At 2:05 p.m. on Friday, the lovely and talented Erica approached me in the hall outside the boss's office, looked down at my crotch, pointed and cleared her throat. Under most circumstances, I might have taken that as a compliment. In this case, however, something inside me told me that was not the case. My eyes drifted down to where she pointed, and sure enough....the fly on my jeans was open. Knowing that I had done nothing so far that day to warrant it being in that condition, I came to the quick conclusion that it had been down all day. A quick thought flashed through my head....Thank God I wasn't going commando that day, as I often do when wearing jeans on a Friday. This type of thing seems to be happening with increasing frequency. Not every day, I assure you. But often enough that I'm beginning to think that one of two things is going to happen: either I'm going to be straight-jacketed and carted off to a nice residential facility with steel mesh on the windows and heavy padding on the walls, or my name and picture will end up on one of those registered sex offender websites that has become my mother's favorite pastime. Either way, I don't forsee a happy ending.

Rage at the machine

As you've already read in my previous post, my PC crashed last weekend. Hours spent on the phone with non-English speaking technical support people has proven fruitless. After checking online for a list of H-P authorized service centers, I chose to take it to CompUSA for repair. The stereotypical computer geek finally appeared at the counter to assist me. After poking and prodding at the PC for quite some time, he confirmed what I suspected: that he had no idea what the problem was, but offered to charge me $99 to find out. I explained that I had an extended warranty through H-P that should cover the repairs. He replied..."Oh, we don't honor those". This from an authorized H-P service center, may I remind you. He also made a point of telling me that for $140 he could back up the data on my hard drive, with the following exceptions: no music files, no video files, and no software. Those three items make up probably 75% of what is on my hard drive. Thanks, geek. But no thanks. I load my PC back under my arm and leave. Later in the day I call H-P customer service to see what they suggest. Amazingly I get a pleasant sounding woman who speaks fluent English. I can understand every word she's saying. By the end of the conversation I'm wishing I'd been transferred to "Eric" in New Dehli. She first informs me that the extended warranty I'd purchased is not valid for hardware repairs for thirty days. I find it amusing that I wasn't told that when I purchased it. I described the problem I'd been having with the PC, and she cheerfully told me that yes, that sure sounded like a hard drive gone bad. When I commented that I found it disturbing that the hard drive on a 13-month old computer would blow, she said something that I still can't believe. "Sir, it's quite normal for a hard drive to crash within a year's time". WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I thank her for being so helpful and hang up the phone.

My options at this point are:

• Wait thirty days and make the bastards repair my PC.
• Go shopping for a new PC, and heave my old one off my balcony into the parking lot below.
• Go shopping for a new PC, but still wait the thirty days and make the bastards repair my PC.

The third option is sounding better the more I think about it. I'd have a brand new PC to use for the next year until the hard drive blows. And I'd have my repaired PC to put in another room of my apartment. I still don't have a computer to use in the bathroom, you know.

I'm open to suggestions on a reliable brand of PC. Obviously, anyone who suggests another HP computer will be beaten severely. The same goes for Compaq, Gateway, e machines, or any Kmart brand. Leave your suggestions in the comments for this post.

Congratulations

Congratulations to my friend Eli on his graduation from college and his impending entry into the ranks of the gainfully employed. Eli, I know you have doubts about your future...how you're going to fit in to the corporate environment and handle living in a strange city. Trust me on this, buddy. You're stonger than you realize. You can endure anything, accomplish anything, create anything...all because you have an incredible inner strength. And you have people behind you, all wishing you happiness and success. Got it?

Affirmation

Apparently my reputation for caring about my friends has begun to spread. I believe this because the number of e-mails I receive every week asking for my help seems to be growing. Here's an example:

HELLO JAYDOGGIE,

FIRST AND FOREMOST,I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION AND I PRAY THAT MY DECISION TO CONTACT YOU WILL BE GIVEN GENUINE APPROVAL CONSIDERING THE FACTS WE HAVE NOT KNOWN EACH OTHER BEFORE, I WISH TO USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TOI NTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU.I AM BAIDEN FRIPONG EYADEMA, THE SON TO THE LATE PRESIDENT OF TOGO WHO DIED ON THE 5TH OF FEBRUARY 2005, IN WEST AFRICA I WRITES TO INFORM YOU MY DESIRE TO INVEST, AND TO BUY A LIVING HOUSE IN YOUR COUNTRY. I AM THE SECOND SON OF THE LATE PRESIDENT OF TOGO MR. GNASSINGBE EYADEMA. HE WAS THE PRESIDENT OF MY COUNTRY FOR 38 YEARS, BUT I NEVER LIKE HIS MISRULE, THUS CREATING THE POLITICAL CRISIS THERE NOW. BEFORE HE DIED HE REAVEALED TO ME ABOUT THE BOXES CONTAINING $25.5 MILLION US DOLLARS. WHICH HE DEPOSITED WITH A SECURITY COMPANY IN GHANA FOR SAFEKEEPING. MY FATHER DID NOT DISCLOSE THE CONTENT OF THE BOXES TO THE SECURITY COMPANY. TO AVIOD THE OFFICIALS FROM RAISING EYE BROWS TO THE FUNDS. PRESENTLY MYSELF IS HERE IN GHANA TO NOTIFY THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THE CLAIMS, AND I AM STAYING IN THE REFUGEE CAMP.THEREFORE I WANT YOU TO LECTURE ME ON HOW BEST I CAN INVEST THIS MONEY,BECAUSE MY FATHER TOLD ME THAT IT IS DANGEROUS TO INVEST THIS MONEY IN AFRICA TO AVIOD SUSPICIONS, AND DUE TO MARKET INSTABILITY COUPLED WITH ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL INSTABILITY FACING AFRICAN COUNTRIES,THAT IS WHY I WANT TO INVEST IN ABROAD. FOR YOUR MUTUAL ASSISTANCE, MYSELF HAVE AGREED TO OFFER YOU 25%OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF THE MONEY. WE HAVE ALL THE VITAL DOCUMENTS COVERING THE DEPOSIT AND THE OWNERSHIP WHICH I CAN SEND TO YOU THROUGH FAX ON REQUEST. NOTE: I HAVE NEVER DISCLOSED THIS TO ANY PERSON APART FROM YOU, SO YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS TRANSACTION AS A TOP SECRET TO YOURSELF ALONE. WHICH I WILL WANT YOU TO FORWARD ACROSS TO ME YOUR DIRECT TEL/FAX NUMBER FOR MORE INFORMATIONS ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION.PLEASE DO CONTACT ME ON MY ALTERNATIVE EMAIL ADDRESS: (omitted)

MY ELDER BROTHER FAURE EYADEMA HAS JUST WON AN ELECTION TO REPLACE MY LATE FATHER IN TOGO AS THE PRESIDENT. BUT I DON'T LIKE HIM BECAUSE HE IS DEMONIC WITH HIS POLICY. HIM AND MY LATE FATHER MADE TOO MUCH TOGOLESE TO SUFFERED IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY. THEREFORE, I HAVE DECIDED TO GO ON MY OWN WAY AND NOT TO SEEK POLITICAL OFFICE.
- BAIDEN EYADEMA

Sorry Baiden, baby. You sound like a really swell guy and all. And I'd LOVE to help you out. The money isn't that important to me, you know. But at the present time I'm a little busy helping out other people who have sent me e-mails asking for my help to transfer large sums of money, including:

• Dr. Mrs. Catherine Klein, a manager at citi bank in London, who needs my help by becoming the sole heir to a $17.6 million estate of a late oil baron so that she can transfer the money out of the country before it falls into the hands of corrupt government officials. Of course I also have to promise that I'll use 5 percent of the total funds to set up a charitable organization in America. I'm working on it Cathy!
• I'm also working with FRANK KHUMALO, the elder son of Mr. Daniel Khumalo from the republic of Zimbabwe, to get $15 million out of South Africa and into my personal checking account here in the U.S.

So you see, Baiden? I've really got my hands full right now. As much as I want to help, I'm just really busy. In addition, I don't want to appear greedy. In the meantime, why don't you give me a call on my special private line that I've set up for friends like you: (212) 479-7990. I can't wait to hear from you, Baiden! Feel free to share my number with other friends who might need my help, too!

- Jaydog

Catastrophe Strikes

For anyone who hasn't heard already, the worst of all possible scenarios unfolded on Sunday. My home PC crashed. Might as well have amputated my right arm or something. AAAAGGGGHHHH! At this point, in spite of the hours spent on the phone with HP technical support (that's another story for another time) I'm unsure at this point when I'll be back to anything resembling normalcy.

In the meantime, my online activities are severely limited. That includes updates to my blog, e-mails, IM chats, and Jaydoggie Radio (off the air). I'm hoping to have a functioning PC within the next couple of weeks, but in the meantime, don't despair. I'm still around. Just temporarily invisible.

-Jaydog

DUCK!

I'm in one of those smart-ass moods today. Go figure! But rather than unleash a torrent of caustic humor, why not a few real laughs?

CARDS YOU'LL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:.........
What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!.............
Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you............
have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."

"You look great for your age....... Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............
Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--------- So we're having you put to sleep."

=====================================================

But on a serious note....

For my friend Joe...

(IAHFYB)

It's strange here without you

And it's so hard to see

So brother up in heaven

Please wait up for me

+

I still see his shadow

His laugh lingers on

When I dream, we're all back together

When I wake, he's gone

+

It's strange here without you

This was not ment to be

So brother up in heaven

Please wait up for me

+

And though we try to change the world

A flower when it's cut will surely die

So why do men with so much hate

Destroy what they cannot create

While we all stand by

+

We will look back in anger

But you helped us to see

So brother up in heaven

Please wait up for me

Oh brother up in heaven

Please wait up for me

(Brother Up In Heaven - Ian Bairnson)

Just what I need today...

A Stress Pig. Ahhhh.....I feel so much better now! Click on the pig yourself and see if you don't feel better, too!

What I'm Listening To Tonight On Rhapsody...

1. It's Over - Alison Krauss
2. The One That Got Away - Tom Waits
3. I Fall To Pieces - Patsy Cline
4. Losin' End - Michael McDonald
5. You Don't Have To Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield
6. Our Winter Love - The Lettermen
7. Somebody's Crying - Chris Isaak
8. Hit The Road, Jack - McCaslin & Ringer
9. Crying - Roy Orbison with K.D. Lang
10. How Can You Mend A Broken Heart - The Bee Gees
11. Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday - Stevie Wonder
12. For Once In My Life - Stevie Wonder
13. For The Good Times - Ray Price
14. Hurt So Bad - The Lettermen
15. I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
16. Cry, Cry, Cry - Highway 101
17. I'm Not In Love - 10CC
18. Wasted On The Way - Crosby, Stills, & Nash
19. Cry, Cry, Cry - Highway 101
20. You're Only Lonely - J.D. Souther
21. Best Thing That Ever Happened - Jim Weatherly
22. Neither One of Us - Gladys Knight
23. Summer Breeze - Seals & Crofts
24. Baby Come Back - Player
25. I'm So Chubby - Kelly Clarkson

Another Monday...another day in hell

Monday. What is it about Monday that sends a chill down my spine? In actuality, perhaps it was not just the fact that it was Monday today, but that it actually felt like winter here today. Near freezing temperature this morning, grey skies, winter coat. Not the kind of picture the Colorado tourism board puts in the brochure. And it's May. Ah, but we must suffer, mustn't we?

The day continued to spiral downhill when I went by the office at my apartment complex to sign away my life for another six months (new lease). Not only did the rent increase, but also the lease I signed was incorrect, so it had to be re-done and signed again. That one turned out to be incorrect as well, so a THIRD lease was prepared for my signature. I finally straggle into the office, already frazzled, only to find that someone had crashed a database over the weekend, making it inaccessible and unusable. I'm STILL trying to untangle that mess. Add to that the fact that everyone around me, my cow-orkers, otherwise known as "The Spazzos", seemed to be in a ferret-like mood today.

It's 5:30 p.m. here, and I'm alone at the office now. The day is finally drawing to a close. I'm preparing to head over to the gym for a couple of hours to beat my body into submission. I'll follow that by lolling around in the whirlpool and cook myself into goo in the steam room. Perhaps that will provide some much-needed relief.

In the meantime. another momentous occasion passed without proper acknowledgement. If you look at the site counter at the bottom of this page, you'll see that it has passed the 1,000 mark unnoticed. Will wonders never cease? As I've said before, when I began this little project, I believed only a small contingent of deranged minds would consider it interesting enough to read. I was proven right. Thanks, everyone, for reading. I love each and every one of you. Now seek professional help!

-Jaydog

It's baaaack.....

Winter, that is.

One thing you learn about living in Colorado is that the borders between the seasons tend to be a little fuzzy. Such is the case this morning as I gaze out my window. Snow, below freezing temperatures. At the beginning of the week it was shirtsleeves and sunglasses. Today it will be winter coat, gloves and boots.

Ah, the joy of it!


A "cool" start to the day.

A lovely view from the mountains just west of the city.

A chilling morning view of downtown Denver.

Catching up...again

Well, it's that time of year again. My sinuses have turned on me and are now dripping like a leaky faucet. The bucket I've hung around my neck seems to be filling up pretty quickly today. I decided to sit the day out from work, although I did work for a couple of hours from home this morning. There's a certain joy that comes from working naked.

The weather around here is adding to the general misery. It's that unsettled time of year when Mother Nature can't decide whether it's winter or spring. So she dishes out a little of both. Rain, snow, rain mixed with snow. And then to throw us all off, she throws in beautiful, sunny days. According to the tourist info, Denver has 300 days of sunshine a year. The next few days will be part of the other 65, I guess.

On to more pressing news.

I've finally committed myself to making my annual trek to visit my parents back in Illinois next month. The air, hotel and car reservations have been made. Time off from work has been locked in. Chosing a time of year to go back is always an issue. Pick the wrong month and you WILL suffer! I've learned that I've become something of a wimp when it comes to heat and humidity. I simply cannot tolerate it. So ultimately it came down to either May or September. Not that either one is without it's share of physical misery. It's a matter of degree, and May seemed to be a good choice.

In the spirit of self-depreciation, it's time to tell the "Brownie Story". In order to maintain journalistic impartiality, Erica was supposed to tell this story, but hasn't. So you're going to get MY version, like it or not. Believe what you will.

I was invited to a staff meeting at work recently. Now I abhor staff meetings, and had, until recently, managed to extricate myself from them. But the boss insisted I be present for this one, and by dangling lunch under my nose, enticed me to hit "Accept" on the meeting request in Outlook. My aversion to these things can be summed up by the picture below.

Lunches for these things are usually ordered in from Jason's Deli. I'm not particulary fond of Jason's, but a free lunch is a free lunch, so I take what I can get. My order is usually the same every time: A BLT on whole wheat, potato salad and a chocolate brownie. Now the brownie doesn't really fit in with my healthy eating habits, and neither does the potato salad, I guess. But it's important to reward yourself now and then. So the brownie stays! I suppose it's because of this need to reward myself that I had a fit when the lunches arrived and my brownie wasn't there! I reported this omission to the department admin, who I guess had had enough of Jason's as well, and she politely replied that if the brownie meant that much to me, I should call Jason's and tell them. I neither had the time or the patience to do that, so I did what anyone else would do in the same situation - I pouted! As with any sad story, this one has a happy ending, however. It turns out that Jason's had screwed up a couple other orders as well, realized they had left out my brownie, and included it in the next delivery run.


So I got my brownie, and peace ruled once again in the kingdon.

The moral to this story? Don't f**k with my brownie!

A quick note about the radio station... A few of you have commented that you've not been able to link to it through Jetcast. You might want to try Shoutcast. I'm listed on there as well. Just type Jaydoggie into the search box, and if the station is broadcasting at the time, it should come up. Shoutcast also offeres a free version of Winamp if you don't have a player with streaming music capability. Good luck!

Okay, I think that about wraps things up for this installment.

One final note: Matt, you're still in my thoughts and prayers. IAHFYB.

-Jaydog

Jaydoggie is on the air!

After a lot of twisting and turning, and trial and error, my internet radio station is finally up and running. Depending on your level of pain tolerance, you're invited to give it a listen. The broadcast hours will be irregular, so if you don't find the station broadcasting, check back again another time.

What can you expect to hear? Just about anything. People who have experienced my musical tastes always walk away in something of a stupor. You might hear jazz, R&B, stories, pop, rock, easy listening, dance/trance, oldies, country, gospel, rap and other things that cannot be categorized.

By now you're screaming at the top of your lungs, "Tell me where I can find this marvel!". Right?

Well, I wish I could give you a permanent link to use, but the URL changes whenever I stop broadcasting, so that obviously won't work. But it's still relatively easy to find.

Go to the Jetcast Directory Listing. If the station is broadcasting, you'll see it listed as Jaydoggie Radio. Just click the LISTEN button, and it should open in Windows Media Player, or other MP3 player.

I'm tough enough to handle the acolades that will undoubtedly come flowing my way! Yeah, right! Drop me a note to let me know what you think.

Jaydog

This is one of those things you just happen to stumble across that makes you go "Hmmmm....".

Too good to pass up...

George W. Bush Elected Pope ... Cardinals Stunned!
Reported by Monsignor Guido Sarducci, S.J., S.T.D., J.C.D.

The almost 120 Cardinals from around the world that gathered to choose a successor in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were stunned and expressed amazement.

Cardinal Mohoney the Vatican spokesperson had this to say...
"We in the conclave are all shocked. We cast our vote's using these new electronic voting machines. The results overwhelmingly favored George W. Bush over all the Catholic candidates. The last Pope, John Paul, was a superb linguist, fluently speaking 11 languages, this one can't speak fluently in one language. We just don't know what to say."

The White House has announced that Dick Cheney will assume command as President of the world tomorrow morning, when "W' travels to Rome to begin his duties as Pope.

George W. Bush had this to say moments ago as he spoke from the Rose Garden:
"I am honored to be the spiritual lighthouse, and the first War Pope. I promise Evangelical Catho-licks and Prostates alike that I will be embodied in salvation and fair in the performance of my duties.

I am a Unitifier, not a Divide-a-cater. I am obliged to try to save as many lost souls as I can, at least the Devout Wealthy Elite Souls, as it is well known that Heaven is a very select place, indeed, it is more exclusive than even the best of country clubs. It is a members only Heaven. I may have to put a fence around it.

I will perform miracles in a fair and balanced manner. Just as God used to wipe out entire races of people without warning, burning whole towns of perverts, killing off entire nations, and drowning everybody without a ticket to board Noah's Ark, I shall deliver the world from Evil Empires as I unleash the Apocalypse Wrath of Revelations.

I will ensure the Rapture and the Reunion with our beloved deceased family members and with our departed purebred pets. I will not allow those awful Liberal Sissy Homosapiens to marry each other and I will put and end to the Clergy marrying Choirboys.

I will lead the Crusades against all them towel-headed heathens-possessed voodoo-hoodoo barbarians who's Pseudo-religions that don't accept the Lord as the Light of Democracy, and who worship fake, made-up gods.

They shall suffer my Godly Conservative Wrath and I will Destroy them with my Cherubic Armies of Angels and they shall burn for eternity in Hell, because Me and God don't take no prisoners!"