How to be politically correct (PC):

In an age of political correctness (just ask me what I think about that, if you dare!), I feel it is my duty to attempt to educate you, my blog readers. So here are some tips that will never let you down. Although these are separated by gender, you'll find when reading them that some could apply to either sex. You be the judge.

A. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK". She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER". She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY". She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE". She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND". She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD". She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY". She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED." (Amy, Erica, Sara, Di, Liz, Saini, Tania...insert YOUR name here. Hehehe)
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS". She is "SURGICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you. She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP". She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "HUGE HOOTERS". She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER". She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

B. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT". He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER". He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME". He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING". He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER". He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK". He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." (Tom?)
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS". He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG". He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT". He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY". He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." (Tom, Chris, Paul, Joe, Matt, James, Dan, Eli, Larry, Dave, Darin, Rocky, Drew ... insert your name here...LOL)
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."